BLANKING OUT

Fall season, although a great carp fishing season, for me, it is also a season to reflect. How was my year? What were my ups and downs? What are my lessons learned? Positive or negative, I always analyze, draw conclusions and set new goals. Long time ago someone told me, to learn from my own mistakes or even better from mistakes of others, although true, easier said than done. Probably one of the most difficult experiences for me is to analyze my own blanking out. I realize that no matter how good I am and no matter how well I know the water, I will blank out at some point of time. Accepting this fact is very hard for me personally because I just don’t know why I blank out. If I knew the answer, accepting this fact would probably be a lot easier.

In my mind, every action has a reaction and in reverse every reaction is caused by an action. So, if the action is the input and reaction is the output, what are the inputs that cause negative outputs? It is easier for me to accept negative outputs if I understand all the inputs, but that’s not always the case, especially in fishing. In my mind, outputs are only two; I catch fish or I don’t catch fish – plain and simple. On the other hand, inputs are massive; water, weather, location, bait, rigs, and many, many more. So how I can accept the negative output if there is so many input variables to consider? Call me nuts, but I just can’t.

My personality, who I am pushes me to keep trying day after day in result to get better and better. Many times I heard, failure is not an option, no pain no gain – all these are great motivational sayings, but I always have to keep the reality in mind. The reality is this; with so many different inputs, I am not be able to control them all no matter how hard I try or what I do. For example, weather – there is nothing I can do about it; temperature – nothing I can do; water conditions – again, nothing I can do. Some of the other variables, on the other hand, I can change. I can change the bait, rigs, location, how I fish and where I fish. This, should be my focus and I know it, but how I can focus on these if others are just beyond my reach. Serenity prayer comes to my mind every time I think about that;

                “God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change….”

Being great, being the best is extremely hard and takes an enormous time and effort, but what is life without ambitious goals and dreams – is empty. I have two main goals in life; being the best family man I can be and being the best at what I do (no matter what that is), in this case is fishing. I am not asking for too much, am I? Pushing myself beyond the comfort zone, striving for perfection, what’s wrong with that? I know many people that told me; “You are nuts” or “Why do you need to analyze everything?” I am who I am and I know I will continue to do that for years to come. The insane part, is the fact that I actually enjoy it. I have fun fishing and I truly enjoy it. I have fun analyzing my sessions and I enjoy it. Blanking out will happen, I can’t foresee when and where but I know it will and I will analyze it over and over again.

I am who I am now, but whom I will become?